Goblin Sight

 

The Spine of the World.  The High Ice. Hidden in the Mountains. Shadowing Sandru's Caravan

 

The goblins crept and crawled and scaled across the frozen, rocky terrain. The harsh, desolate mountain should be impassible unless you caravan on the lone trail.  Skittering across the cracks and ice and outcrops and navigating over the downfalls and drop outs ... should be impossible for tiny humanoids. But these goblins are undeterred.   

 

These goblins no longer feel the cold. These goblins no longer feel hunger or thirst. These goblins are fueled by the powerful nectar provided by their goblin god. A sip from the enchanted flask and all their ills are cured. With it they can see things ... no one else can see. They can do things ... no one else can do.

 

They can boldly go where no goblin has gone ... before!  

 

They burn with righteous rage. They are goblins with a purpose.  They are unstoppable.

 

"Why are we stopping?"  Slaughter Vomit Doll, asks.

 

"Screaming" Mr. The Scumsucker nods ahead into the snowing darkness.  "Down below. They frozen dead things attack the caravan when the star bright star light is right."

 

Poog nods at the wisdom of the Barghest god, "M-U-R-D-E-R. That's how Zarongel spells Star Bright Star Light Is Right".

 

Reta Bigbad extends the Goblin Sight.  She peers through the glass.  "THEMZ FIGHTING.  DEAD THINGS EVERYWHERE. HAH.  A HUMAN JUST GOT IT! SO FUNNY! OH!  OH!  THEY GETTIN THE ELF THING!  GO!  GO!  GET IT!  GET THAT ELF THING!". Reta jumps up and down, stamping her boots into the frozen ground in total glee!

 

Chuffy tries to snatch the goblin sight from Reta, "Let me see the elf thing get it!"

 

"Is he burninating?" Mogmurch drools."I hope he's burninating".

 

Reta shoves Chuffy away, "IT'S MINE!  GO GET YOUR OWN GOBLIN SIGHT YOU FUCK FACE SCRAWNY ASS MUNCH!"

 

Poog whispers, "M-U-R-D-E-R.  That's how Zarongel spells fuck face scrawny ass munch."

 

Mr. The Scumsucker stealths up to Mogmurch.  "No burninating tonight."

 

Mogmurch doesn't like that, "Ahhh! Goblin god should have listened to Mogmurch's plan."

 

Scumsucker smiles, "We drop them all into a molten pile of burninating awesomesauce?"

 

"Yeah! Best plan of all time!"  Mogmuch nods wildly and wanders away muttering sweet fire and burning nothings to himself.

 

Reta Bigbad and Chuffy Lickwound are tumbling across the frozen mountain wrestling over the goblin sight.  Chuffy is faster, more cunning, Reta is stronger and her giant head keeps accidentally head butting Chuffy in the face. 

 

Slaughter Vomit Doll points, "Look!  Goblin god fighting!"

 

The other goblins take notice and watch the combat.  

 

"OH!"  Reta exclaims with joy!  "GOBLIN GOD THREW WOMEN OVER EDGE!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! LONG WAY DOWN STUPID HUMAN WOMAN CAN'T FLY!! LOOONG WAY DOWN!"  

 

The goblins cheer and dance and piss!

 

Mr. The Scumsucker watches the battle unfold below.  The human with the red hear jumps after the woman.  Followed by the elf man.  They all fall to their deaths.  Mr. The Scumsucker does not understand why they would commit suicide for such an ugly human woman. "Fighting ends", he tells the others.  "Goblin god died."

 

The other goblins stop wooting and pissing and stare dumbfounded.

 

"What?" Chuffy says.

 

Mr. The Scumsuker points down.  "Them all fought.  Goblin god was escaping, got lanced by halfling.  Fell.  Probably big time splat splat".  Mr. The Scumsuker shrugs.

 

The other goblins look to their cleric, Poog.  Poog shrugs.  "When goblin god cast great boom boom magic sometimes it look like flashy red magic stuff and sometime it look like he get lanced by halfling and fall to death. Hard to tell."

 

A series of goblin "ooowww"  and "ahhhh" and "That make much goblin sense" erupts. 

 

Mr. The Scumsucker does not participate in their goblin whimsey. He snaps them to attention, "Phase one complete!  Phase two begins!"

 

The goblins stare at Scumsucker in silence. 

 

Slaughter Vomit Doll bites, "What "phase" mean?"

 

Chuffy joins, "Phase is when you roll over in sleep and break your nose on rock.  No more phase one breaking nose on rocks!!"

 

The goblins cheer! 

 

"No."  Mr. The Scumsucker says, "No.  Phase one.  Number one.  Number one part of plan complete.  Number one part of plan!"

 

"Why you not just say that?"  Slaughter Vomit Doll asks.

 

"YEAH", Reta says, "WHY YOU ALWAYS MAKE HUMAN COMPLICATED WORDS?"

 

Mogmurch say, "Yeah.  Why you not just say number one done.  Number two coming."

 

Reta Bigbad and Slaughter Vomit doll explode into goblin laughter and immediately starting making farting and shitting noises while squealing "Number Two! Number Two!"

 

Mr. The Scumsucker shakes his head and whispers to himself, "That's why I said phases".

 

The goblins continue their shit banter late in to the night.  Mr. The Scumsuker watches the caravan.  Not as many died from the frozen dead as he had wanted. They seem to be arguing and going in and out of the alchemy wagon.  They argue some more.  

 

The caravan appears to come to a decision.

 

Mr. The Scumsucker watches as the human shadow slips away from the caravan and disappears into the mountains.

 

Mr. The Scumsucker gets control of the goblins by pulling out the flask.  The goblins quiet down immediately.

 

"Time to drink." Scumsucker says.  The goblins line up and, one by one, take a sip from the flask.  Scumsucker is last.

 

"He'll be here within the hour".  Scumsucker says.   The other goblins nod, gather their belongings and move into their positions.

 

Poog slips up next to Scumsucker.   They exchange poison.

 

Poog whispers, "M-U-R-D-E-R."

 

"What?"  Scumsucker says.

 

"M-U-R-D-E-R." Poog answers, "That's how Zarongel spells he'll be here within the hour."

 

Scumsuckers grins.  "Coincidentally, that's how it's written, too."

 

Poog frowns at the thought of the written word, he doesn't even feel the crushing blow that turns his head into bone fragments and pulp.  Poog is dead before his body hits the ground. 

 

Scumsuker glances at the new comer before leaning over Poogs corpse and planting things here and there. Scumsucker chuckles and whispers,  "M-U-R-D-E-R.  That's how Zarongel spells murder."